God, I am a fraud.
I study to become a Pastor and hope to one day be a theological professor, but I cannot grasp the practical understanding of Christianity. No. It’s not that I “cannot” grasp it, because I understand the practical implications of true Christianity, but I struggle mightily to act on it. I read Scripture and read to better understand Jesus’ commandments. I read differing theologians viewpoints on doctrines and philosophies so that my beliefs are well thought out and personal. I studied Biblical Hebrew and New Testament Greek in order to read the Scriptures in its original context. I strive and hope to be as renowned theologian.
But I am a white washed tomb. I am a scribe and a Pharisee. I teach and tell friends of prayer and its importance in practical Christianity, yet I cannot find a minute to pray. I tell people of fasting and its benefit to our bodies and relationship, yet I cannot fast for six hours. I proclaim worship as a time of intimate connection with God, yet I sing softly and lethargically. I insist on reading the Bible, but I cannot read it without studying for school. I exclaim to love others and treat people like Christ treated people, but I only love myself and put my self-interests before others. Yes, this makes me a Pharisee…a white washed tomb. I am pretty on the outside and I have an abundance of book knowledge, but I am a corrupt soul on the inside…far away from God.
Jesus has some strong words for people like me. In the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus tells the scribes and Pharisees, “Serpents, brood of vipers! How can you escape the condemnation of ^&%?” My God, I am a fraud and a fake.
Today is a new awakening, enlightenment so to speak. I am guilty of hypocrisy and acknowledge the need for change. I must pray, fast, worship, and read like I study. I must do these things for myself, but also for my relationship with Christ. I firmly believe there are spiritual disciplines that are mandated by Christ. This is not because Christ demands unattainable spiritual levels for us, but it is for the bettering of our love for God.
My friends, if you are anything like me, please change your ways. Do not become lethargic in your search and quest for God. Love him like it’s your last hour to live. Love him like He loves you. Make a change along with me: liberate te ex inferis (save yourself from ^&%).